Two words: job search
My body, my soul, every ounce of my being felt heavy. I lacked energy and enthusiasm, every second had become a burden. And yes, I blamed it all on the waiting.
There would be the pacing, the mental agonizing, followed by tiny bursts of energy and optimism, then another plunge into the deep abyss of waiting.
I’d check my phone for possible good news every morning before getting out of bed, feeling around on my nightstand to locate my phone before I even opened my eyes…only to find another cyber pile of ads and junk. [The positive side of this agony is that it finally gave me the momentum to unsubscribe from numerous newsletters and email listings from sites I never visited and whose emails I usually just unceremoniously deleted without reading.]
Sooner or later there would be unexpected complacency with the situation. Instead of impatience and frustration, there would be a contentment with the way the system works, a gratefulness for having a short period of rest time with my family between collegiate and professional life, maybe even an inexplicable happiness.
And then the darkness of the waiting game would return.
There would be the checking of spam folders, just in case. The mental replays of interviews that didn’t end with offers. The careful strategizing of the best times to email potential employers.
But sooner or later, the most fitting position would come along. I’d know from that initial email, that initial phone call. And now when I look back at all this, that complacency returns.
The search is over. I’m moving to Nebraska.
[A note to the future me if I’m ever in a hiring position: let applicants know if they didn’t get a position instead of just leaving them hanging after an interview.]